They face their fears, failures, and difficulties from substance use behavior. The times they hurt people, were absent, or caused pain to loved ones is not easy to face. The fault is squarely on them, whether they like it or not. The person may not even remember the incidents in question from memory, but others may remember them quite well.

• Your loved ones will not only notice your sobriety but also the personal progress you have made.
• Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time.
• They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure.
• It took time for us to emerge from our chrysalis fully committed to recovery, and the people around us are entitled to go through the process without being rushed.
• However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.

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We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event. While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behavior.

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• However, in the context of grief recovery, David Kessler, in his book Finding Meaning, talks about the importance of living amends as a tool for grief healing.
• Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor.
• The AA promises big book were a response to the need for positive affirmations and encouragement within the AA community.
• The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around.
• Step eight is preparation for the action of step nine, which involves putting your recovery into action.

It goes beyond simply apologizing to taking steps to right a wrong. Whenever possible, those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends face-to-face with those they’d harmed while living in addiction. The 12 steps are a set of guiding principles that were developed by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as a way to help individuals struggling with addiction achieve and maintain sobriety. The goal of the 12 steps is to provide a framework for personal growth and spiritual development, as well as to help individuals learn to live a life free from addiction. In many 12-step recovery programs, making amends is an important part of the process. For example, Alcoholic Anonymous (AA)’s ninth step involves making amends to the individuals in your life who were affected by your addiction.

Evidence-Based Addiction Treatments and Step 9 AA

The person may need to know the hurt will never be caused again before working on trust. “Living amends” is about making daily changes, walking the walk, and showing a true commitment to everyone around. True changes show that the person is serious and is working little by little to shift towards a positive space with all involved. It is worth it to cross the bridge on the journey of healing towards making amends.

Just like your substance use in active addiction, your process of making amends in recovery will also be unique. Living amends show others your continued dedication not only to sobriety, but also to working on yourself and your character defects. For example, if you are quick to anger or have trouble following through with promises, these are areas you can continue to work on in sobriety.

What Step in AA Is Making Amends?

Undoubtedly, you, too, have a list of ways in which you want to live out your living amends, and that’s great! The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you. The time it will take depends on many factors, such as your comfort level, the number of people hurt, and the severity of the damage caused.

• The only thing we can show people today is our love, commitment and patience.
• For example, someone living with an addiction may make amends by apologizing for stealing property and then make it right by returning what they’d taken.
• I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on.
• Talk with your sponsor about setting up a timeframe for financial amends.

To learn more about Alcoholics Anonymous, read why it still works all these years after its creation. If you’re interested in learning how you can leverage a 12-step group to help your recovery, contact FHE Health and learn about our aftercare and support group options. On the other hand, millions have acknowledged their belief that AA and its principles saved their life. By studying the program, how it works, and each of its principles, you can determine if this type of program is ideal for you. Many people find it so helpful that they continue to meet with the group in order to help others as they work to maintain their own recovery. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about Ricky’s behavior.

When Should You Approach a Person to Make Amends?

If you have unpaid loans or defaulted credit cards, financial amends need to be dealt with as well. Even though you may not know your creditors personally, these amends are part of your 8th and 9th steps. Talk with your sponsor about setting up a timeframe for financial amends. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, living amends forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor. One of the most common reasons people want to make living amends is to correct past wrongs.

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